The River Monster – A Nine Year Old’s Story

River Monster

Today I would like to share with you a little something special. My youngest daughter has written many stories since she was born. Now she has written another amazing story (River Monster). I would like to share this story with you today. I thought it was a very well written, and well presented for a nine year old.

The River Monster

A Story written by Phoebe McCallum

It was a sunny warm day in Riverbill. It was also the hottest day of the year.  Marvellous Mark is a young boy who is very good at maths and English. He enjoys handing his homework in early.  Magnificent Max is amazingly good at football. However, he lazily cannot be bothered to do his homework.  There was a river that people had been talking about. One boy said to the other, “Do you know that river?”, and they both said together, “It’s ancient!”.  They could see the rapid river flowing in the distance.  They could also feel the refreshing breeze brisk across their warm face.  They could also feel the damp grass between their toes where the splashes of water had flicked it up.

At the river, they met some beautiful girls. Their names were Magical Mel, and Elegant Elle.  They said, “What are you boys doing here?”. The boys did not reply. The beautiful pink blossom trees waved as they shined in the glistening sunlight. Unusually, they had a drop of rain on their branches. The wind started to viciously howl and roar. The anxious children hid behind a bush as the sudden noise scarred them. They all heard something large making its way out of the water. They wondered what it could be. Suddenly, Marvellous Mark got a clear view of what is was. There was a tall, enormous monster that had awakened and it was making its way out of the water.

River Monster

Shaking, Magical Mel suggested an idea. “Guys, I think we should fight the terrifying monster unless you want to die?”. Immediately, Elegant Elle agreed with the plan. The terrible monster roared as loud as one thousand hoovers as it began to climb the river bank. The beautiful trees looked like they had fainted as they fell to the ground with the sheer weight of the monster. Finally, everyone had agreed to go with the plan to fight the monster. With Marvellous Mark’s intelligent, talented brain, he made them stick armour from the surrounding fallen trees. Although the armour did not look very fabulous and stylish to the girls, it was something to protect their young, weak and fragile frames. You could see the ruined river where the monster had made its way out of the water. The breeze had changed from soft and refreshing, to a rough, wet and cold wind that smacked the children in their faces. They could smell the disgusting, soggy, wet grass where the monster had been. They could also hear the pouring rain hit the ground creating puddles as it splashed against the grass. They were ready…


Nervously, Magnificent Max whispered quietly, “Who is going to go first then?”. Encouraged by the others, Marvellous Mark proudly said, “I will go first my fellow friends”. Magical Mel found some rope near the bush they were previously hiding behind. She decided to throw it to Marvellous Mark. Quickly, he ran towards to monster and wrapped the rope around its legs which made it fall to the ground with a very loud bang. When Marvellous Mark was handling the monster, the others rapidly ran to get the people in the local town to a safe place. Once they had come back from making sure the people were in a safe place, the monster was loudly crying on the floor like a little baby. The monster was unable to move and the ropes were hurting its legs. They kept the monster pinned to the ground for three whole days. They had found some spades and decided to dig the monster a gigantic hole. This hole would serve as a new home for the monster. Astonished, the giant monster had become friendly because he saw the two girls and boys were not trying to harm him, but they were making sure they could all live together without anybody getting hurt. After a while, the river was cleaned up, the monster was released, and the river bank was put back to normal. Amazingly, they all lived long and happy lives together.


Father’s Comments

I was very pleased with her attention to detail and her use of descriptive words is excellent. I hope you enjoyed this little treat from my nine year old daughter. If you have any comments please do leave them below. Remember, be contructive and positive in your thoughts.

Further Reading

How to Write a Good Story [WWW Document], n.d. . wikiHow. URL (accessed 7.17.19).

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